I Am My Mother’s Child

I had you in a field while no one was looking, crimson flows
You spilled out of me and then suddenly everyone cared, whispering, who is she, what has she done. Houses built themselves, hoods falling, all faces suddenly gleaming. Look at those eyes, green like your mother, and those lips, and those hands, they’re mighty strong. Do you need help? Are you lost?

You had a nest for you made. Not by me, but by your playground and your loves, and you their love, and they welcomed you all so they could see how long you’d last, shrouded in purple leaves, and foxes delivering news of you.

I wanted to run. But I made my promise, I would stay awhile for your first breath, and your first transformation

The moment you cried I’d have to leave. I’d kiss you slowly and with thoughts of blood, and the dark dark night that would surely be your hardest test, but not the final one

No worries dear, they’re all here, a whole village, and more, the whole city-your parents, all waiting for your word: let me go, I am not one of your own

I am of the dark dark night
And my mother who in kisses and with kisses delivers her blood
I am of my father not, who never knew or will know what dark dark blood runs through me and what dark dark thoughts release me,

on to you, and all of you, seething and going not through the motions but always remembering, always severing, always the transformation

I am the silver lining faulty mantra that keeps you awake
I am the lucky star you wish upon only to have your luck never turn
Unless you know how to be at two places at once,
Like the hazy doors you enter for escape; all too familiar still
I am the blue of the last feather of That bird. I am the sin and the praise and the panic,
I am a distant island in a dream
Of every desperate despot

I am the changeling
I am the pursuit, I am what you persist for, and fear for, daring all of you; an applause. I am those eyes, and that mouth, I am the key and the lock and all that gets lost here, and there, and in every free world, for haven’t you heard, no one can last here, but in me.

I am my mother’s child
I am the dark dark night
I am the blood you give your kisses for