A party to find my soulmate

A party to find my soulmate
I provide samples
Clear cups with my hair. Perfume
How I smell at different parts of the day
Videos of me pacing my room
Searching for a pen
at two in the morning

Mock letters to exes
Post break-up
It’s important to talk about

My regrets.
which are unoriginal
because it is universally acknowledged
that there is a crucial moment
when a person recognizes
in the beginning of it all
when they should have stopped
But hope keeps you

Here’s a picture I drew
(I’ve no photos I can take
from my mother)
of that one year
we went to three funerals
Is it like the movies?
Because I wear black to celebrate
To the eulogies I think I wore
a pair or red shoes
They shined in my mind

That is how a dreamer starts
I don’t mean I was surrounded by tragedy,
that I had to escape
I mean I was six
and didn’t understand it all
I was bored

At this point
I’m behind a podium
The office room I rented
is starting to smell like rubber
One guy in a grey suit
is checking his watch

They thought
it was a job posting



The dopers
in the community pool
gather by five o’clock
and mostly stay sprawled
on the concrete steps
overlooking the water

Some waddle in the pool
looking like they’ve seen God

I swim up to one
and we almost touch hands in the air
palm to palm
I follow his every movement in turn
Move my hands with his

It wouldn’t be a lie to say
that every mirror I’ve ever had
has been a dope fiend
No good, lost dreamer
looking for his next break
thinking I’ll break his fall

They throw the long wet rags
that are their arms
around my neck
and keep me
while the water is still warm

How do you love a drifter?

We unspooled the VHS tapes

We unspooled the VHS tapes
and ran around the neighborhood
waving them throughout the evening

Film from our childhood
The tape of dad waving from his Chevrolet
Pushing my sister into the pool
to teach her to swim

One of mom cooking vegetables
One from the sleepover we had
after a Halloween party
The back yard tree
a week before we had to cut it down

It was a sign of the times
we now think
Childhood’s end
Our bodies preparing
to leave the nest

I think of how the tape glimmered
in the setting light
purple and pink
I caught a glimpse
of a block of the strip
You in a sundress
fit around you like it was already too small
face filling out and scowling–an early teenager