Zero Celsius

I excuse myself from the movie
and rush to the bathroom
to think about how long
it would take to get home
if I left now

Sitting on the toilet seat
I pull out the Marlboros
from the same section
in my purse
where I keep the spare underwear
Six cigarettes left
I smoked twenty in one night
last weekend
Drunk, kept twisting my ankles
Shaking in a dress in zero Celsius
to talk to a hot fire fighter

I’ve looked more romantic with strangers
than with boyfriends
A girl asked to take our picture
Not you.
With the fire fighter
We were kissing like we were in love
Sitting at the only table at the club

I think about the first time
we went to a movie
leaning away from you
disgusted by your little fat hands

I stuff the cigarette pack
into the tampon disposal box
Put lipstick on in front of the mirror
I pout for two minutes
and play with my hair
Who wouldn’t want this?

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